99.44...

it's actually not a number anymore... i've started making plans... i'm going to give an informal notice to cameron tomorrow... a formal one will come a little later when i have more definite plans with more specific dates... but...

i'm moving to nashville!!!

there's still a lot of stuff to work through... but those are the plans... i will be leaving vancouver, washington sometime at the end of december... i don't know specifics just yet... i don't have a job lined up, but i'm really excited about it all... oh, and i'm going to have the best roommate ever!!!

emily, lauren, alyssa and me...  

part of the seattle skyline with the space needle... 

jeanette, alyssa, me and emily from the ferry with seattle behind us...  

alyssa and a toilet in the undergound...  

emily pointing out a picture of the university of washington in the 1800's...  

i just thought this is awesome!!! 

emerald city recap...

alyssa and i went up to seattle to visit our friend emily this weekend... the trip was unlike other seattle trips i've taken... we did some tourist-y stuff that i hadn't gotten to do before... (underground tour and the ferry to bainbridge island) we laughed a lot... and it was good for my soul... it was relaxing and a great release... i feel like i've been gone for a whole week and not just a weekend...

i love going to other churches... i love hearing sermons... i love a change of pace... my boss was actually up in seattle leading worship at emily's church, so it was fun to once again see cameron in that role... that was good for me, too... i was overwhelmed by the experience of church... i think i've decided i have some level of a.d.d., because sitting still during the sermon was a little tough... not impossible, but i wish i could retain more from listening to sermons without furiously taking notes... i rarely go back and look at the notes...

i picked up a good book this weekend... i love collecting random books and taking them out of context... so from the underground gift shop, alyssa found reproduced copies of the art of kissing, written in 1936... we each bought a copy and we had story time while we waited for the ferry and entertained the masses by singing "you've lost that lovin' feelin'" really loudly... it was great...

but another fun surprise awaited me in my mailbox... i never get mail... i ordered a friend's cd about a month ago, maybe... and i had kind of given up on ever seeing it... but when i got home today, it was waiting on me... and it brought some added joy to the weekend... listening to it has taken me back about 4 years, which is crazy... i'll post some additional thoughts on the cd once i've had a chance to listen to it some more... i already know a few of the songs really well, and i love those, but i'd like to listen to the whole thing a few more times before i give thoughts...

last thoughts on the weekend... i had the chance to get some new perspective over the weekend regarding an upcoming move... i'm just about sure of a move, but have been unsure of where i'll be going... i've been in the application process for journeyman, but it's just not feeling like the right thing, which is strange... but that's okay - i just don't know that it's time... but it may be sometime in the near future, but not now...

and... there's nothing really keeping me in the nw - i don't love my job... i like it, but i know it won't be the last one i have... i don't love my church... i really love my girls and i like my church and the ministry i've been able to be a part of, but it's not the last church i'll be involved in... and i have some great relationships that are a byproduct of my time in the northwest, but those relationships will not cease to exist if i don't live in the northwest...

so... the time to move is soon approaching... and as it stands right now, i'm about 94% sure that i'll be moving to a place i never dreamed i would move to... i would definitely appreciate prayers, if you are someone who prays... i want to know that i'm making the right decision... it feels right... i just want to be sure... just for the record, about 5 hours ago, i was at 89%... the estimated move date is not completely set... but i'm thinking right around/right after christmas... i just really want the door to shut if it's not where i'm supposed to go... so far, the only negative response i've gotten is from some people that i've now put into a category called northwest elitists... i may discuss that more at a later date... i've probably fallen into that category before... but i have full support of my family and most of my friends... (a few in particular who definitely have an interest...) so i guess we'll see...

for now, i have to get to bed because tomorrow is just another manic monday and i need some sleep before the craziness starts!!!

one of those weeks...

i used to cry a lot... my first semester of college, i cried everyday... every bible study, every bcm (bsu then) event, in my room... i cried a lot... i don't know why - but i did... when i moved to the northwest, i cried sometimes, but not as much...

within the last several months, i haven't cried that much... maybe once a month or three or four times a month... but not once a week... and not everyday...

i went to a memorial service this week for a lady i worked with for a short time last year... she was a volunteer in the library where i worked part time... the lady was amazing... she came in almost every day - she wasn't in the greatest health - she could barely get enough breath to just walk around, much less get up and down of the step ladder to reshelve books and shelf read... once she ran out of breath, she would go in the office and sit down and put labels and book covers on the new books... and who knows what else... she volunteered for 5 years... she was there almost every day, except when she would go to the church and help clean the pews with a group of ladies called the "pew angels" - she and her husband had been missionaries and i never heard her say a negative word about how she was feeling or her life... she would speak her mind and was very animated, but would always talk about how good the Lord is and what He was doing in her life... she read books like crazy... she would take home some books from the library - tough books that i wouldn't dare tackle as a seminary student - and she'd read them cover to cover... she read everything... one of my favorite books is blue like jazz, and i shouldn't have been surprised when she took that home to read, too...

she was not bound to this life - she kept begging for God to let her go home when she was bed-ridden a few months ago... when patsy and april (the library workers) went to go visit her a couple of months ago she said, "now don't you pray for me like those young people do for me to get better... i'm ready to go home..."

her life told a story of faithfulness to God like few others i've heard before... and i'll be honest, most of the time, when i've heard the stories of faithfulness and devotion to God, they've been stories of little old ladies who devoted themselves entirely to God and His church and His mission... they are selfless, behind the scenes, diligent, strong women...

i sat there listening to story after story... and it started to get to me... what will be said about me at my funeral? will it be story after story about silly antics that i was involved in? will it be stories about all the places i've gotten to travel or something else unrelated at all... i would love to think that it would be stories of devotion to God, but i've got to be honest and say it wouldn't... and that breaks my heart... i feel like so many in gladys' generation have that same devotion to God and to the church and i feel like many of my generation have missed it... i know things are different now than 50 years ago, but when will we get back to the point where faithfulness to God and the church are vital to the christian life... not just the exception but the norm... i feel like it's become so watered down... like church has become this buffet line, where i only take the stuff i want and then i leave the things like set-up that i don't like to do because it would make me get out of bed earlier on sundays than i do now...

don't get me wrong... i think it's possible to serve the church without serving the Lord - and that's not what i'm talking about it all... but there is definitely a correlation between serving God and being a servant within a local body of believers... i think we've missed that part far too often... we've mixed up ideas about the church and turned it into a place full of hypocrites in our minds... and i don't mean that we have to serve at an actual church building, but to serve within a body of believers - even to the point when it becomes uncomfortable...

one of the things said about gladys at her memorial service was that she had once said, "it takes me 10 minutes to get from my car into the church, but i'd rather struggle those ten minutes and get to be in God's house than sit at home without the struggle." i've often been one who has been defeated by the idea of the struggle...

and i don't think it's necessary for me to pattern my life after someone as a cookie cutter image... but i really think that looking at her example says that i need to stop and re-evaluate some things...

there's also this huge issue of a move... i am still in the application process for journeyman, but it seems to be quickly making it's way to the back burner, while another opportunity is pushing it's way to the front burner...

i feel like my decisions and emotions are so up and down... i'm surprised i'm not manic depressive... but i was so gung ho about jman - and it's kind of fizzled... was that God getting me ready to move and jman just isn't the thing? do i need to suck it up and keep pursuing jman? i've never been one to actually write down pro/con lists... they don't really help me - i just write what i want to see... a lot of the time i make up my mind quickly... but the move is a big decision... and i feel like jman comes with a lot of cons... 1) in 2 years, i'd still be without something concrete to do - i would be coming back to the states again having to start all over... 2) the nw has been a lonely place for me... i've learned a lot, but the majority of the time, i feel alone... i know the jman program would be same song, second verse... it's inevitable... 3) i've spent 2 years away from home, jman would be another 2 away from home... 4) i'd still be unsettled... 5) i feel like i'd lose touch with another big group of people in my life...

but just because there are cons doesn't mean it's automatically out... i just really don't know for sure what i'm supposed to do... i used to say the term for definite - i don't know anything for definite...

the new occupant of the front burner would be a great opportunity and a move that i never thought i'd make... in fact, a few months ago, i would have laughed at the possibility... i had laughed it off quite a bit... but now, it doesn't seem strange or funny at all... it seems like a good opportunity to do something that would be great for me, for a friend and for ministry... but if it's not the right thing, i don't want any part of it... there's a lot to decide and pray through...

but between all of these things this week and the departure of a coworker who i had grown to love and appreciate, it's been an emotional week...

i am glad it's friday - and with this weekend comes a fun roadtrip to seattle with alyssa to hang out with our friend emily... i'm going to charge my camera battery when i get home today, so there should be fun pictures to come next week... we're going to do some tourist-y stuff in seattle that alyssa and i have never done...

i left work at 3:00 yesterday because i didn't have anything to do... it's now 3:38 and i don't have anything to do again... i'm thinking i might sneak out in just a little bit... i've got my desk all cleaned off... so it may be about time...

Oh, I'll stay away from her, but I can't guarantee that she'll stay away from me.

for 2 years, the pacific northwest campus of golden gate baptist theological seminary has been my second home... it's been the one thing that has stayed consistent when jobs, churches, friends and life have changed... it's been a place of joy, sadness, frustration and excitement... many meaningful conversations and learning experiences have taken place not only in classrooms, but over the lunch table and the ping pong table...

this is the first time i haven't started school in the fall since 1985... i'm used to starting school, buying school supplies... not this year... i thought it should feel great... i thought i would feel freedom... and i kind of do, but i'm also sad...

to my advantage and disadvantage, the building where i work houses the school i went to... so a lot of my remaining seminary friends are literally just down the hall, which is great... i was down there earlier, hanging out and talking to people i hadn't seen all summer...

but it's different... when they talk about stuff from class, i won't have the base for the conversation... our discussions will be limited to what's going on in life... which can also be good... it's just not the same... today, i saw a friend from seminary whose baby died unexpectedly at the end of last semester from sids... i thought, "what in the world do i say? do i act like nothing happened or do i ask about it..." i didn't want to bring up the pain, so i didn't ask about it... i felt like he was expecting me to, but i didn't... i won't get to journey with him this year through that like i would have if we'd been sitting in a pastoral care class together...

i'll admit, i've been down to that end of the hall a lot more today than i normally would be down there... i even made cinnamon rolls for everyone (even though i can't eat them because of la weight loss)... maybe i still want to hold on, is that wrong?

it was kind of cool to see everyone, though... a lot of people don't know i graduated... so they think i'm still in... others know and still love me anyway... i may try to go down on mondays and tuesdays and eat lunch... we'll see...

i should have believed her...

i should just not plan to have a low-key weekend... friday night, i went with jess and beck to see four brothers... it was pretty good... very intense to me... better than i expected... it's not a typical movie that i'd go see, and i know i won't rush to buy it when it comes out on dvd, but i didn't feel like i had wasted my money...

so i was planning on having a low-key saturday and sunday... i talked to alyssa yesterday and she asked me if i'd go help her hand out flyers for her work in exchange for dinner and a ticket to go see the portland timbers (soccer) play with her tonight... so i told her i would... i'm easily bought... so off we went to hand out flyers... after a little bit, we decided there should be a video game with 2 options - one where you're trying to hand out flyers to people and the other where you're trying to dodge the people handing out flyers - and then there would be obstacles such as skateboarders, bicyclists, police officers, etc... we did that for about an hour and a half, then we went to eat mexican... not on my la plan (oh well...) and i ate too much... but it was good... then we went to see the timbers play... i've never been to a live soccer game... it was so much fun... the crowd was totally into it, and it was very cool... the timbers tied the sounders (seattle team) and everyone left in a good mood...

so far, i don't have any big plans for tomorrow... i'm hoping it stays that way!!! i have so much to get done around the house...

my gosh, i'm glad it's friday afternoon...

today has been one of those crazy days... i am really tired... i don't have everything done... and it's just not going to get done, i guess... i do hate leaving on friday knowing there's work to be done... and knowing that my desk is messy... but too bad this week...

as busy as today has been (and crazy), it's been one of the best days i have had at work in a long time... i really liked my job today... it may have been partly because i was so busy, i didn't have time to be bored... but i was around people all day - i think that's the difference... i love being around people... and so i was really thankful for pretty much constant communication today...

for the last several "normal" weekends, my only plan is to go home, shut myself in and have a relaxing weekend... today, they asked me what i was planning for this weekend... and i told them... "to go home, shut myself in and have a relaxing weekend..." derinda said she'd find out the truth on monday... but i really do want a relaxing weekend!!! the only problem is that this might be the last pretty weekend before it gets cold and rainy... i kind of want to take advantage of it... but i wish i didn't have to!!!

i feel like there's other stuff... but i can't even think at this point... my borrowed wireless internet has been working pretty well at home... so i may try to post something in the weekend... cameron and i have been discussing this thought i had... i think he was pretty impressed by the thought... which made me happy... i think every now and then i surprise him with something that's not completely dumb... i may try to formulate my thoughts and post them this weekend...

must go home... now... have a happy weekend!!!

bittersweet...

just a few minutes ago, i found out that a library volunteer (miss gladys) passed away... i only worked in the library at school for a few months, but i got to know her a little... she was such a sweet lady... she's been in bad health for the last several weeks... even when she was still volunteering, she'd only be able to stand up for so long before she'd have to sit down for the rest of the time... and she'd get really out of breath... but she kept coming to volunteer... what an incredible example... she volunteered for 5 years... she'd been a missionary before that... after i started working at the other end of the building, i would still go down and talk to her just about each week...

it's sad, but i can't imagine what she's doing in heaven right this second... dancing and singing with all the energy she hasn't had in a very long time...

on a very different note...

today is derinda's birthday - she is my coworker who's moving to northern idaho next week... her daughter sent her roses... i thought to myself... i wish someone would send me flowers... i'm kind of in that mode... "in the mood" as we talked about in bible study... but i feel like if someone came along, i think i'd freak out... i hate feeling like a commitment phobe who wants commitment... it's like going to see a rom-com because it looks so good and leaving feeling worse than when you went in... i still want flowers in the mail...

on another very different note...

i went to my "parole officers" yesterday (l.a. weight loss) and since i started the program 3 weeks ago (including taking one of the weeks, actually 9 days, off completely and eating whatever i wanted while at camp and a little before that), i've lost 8.8 lbs... technically, i've only been on the program for 2 weeks (they put my file on hold while i was gone)... so my average is really high... after i got back from camp, it went up a little (.6 lbs), and then it went down 3.2 lbs... i've still got a long way to go...

lagniappe...

today's word of the day is lagniappe... normally, when i tear off the word of the day from the day before to reveal the new word of the day, i just read it and go on... no real effect... today, i smiled when i read it...

my favorite professor in seminary and possibly of all time says lagniappe a lot... he's the one that introduced the word to many of us... it's a popular term in louisiana (and maybe mississippi)...

what it means:
1. a small gift presented by a storeowner to a customer with the customer's purchase. 2. an extra or unexpected gift or benefit...

also called regionally boot - and what's funny is, i was just talking to someone and said, "and it comes with a snowblower to boot!" - which is weird because i don't think i usually say that... but maybe i do... the snowblower is lagniappe with the purchase of the house of one of my coworkers... i've never known anyone who owns a snowblower... evidently in northern idaho it's necessity...

today, the word lagniappe is lagniappe for my word of the day calendar... it brought me a little extra sunshine on the first dreary day of the season...

on a random side note, i think i'm going to miss being in seminary a little... this is the first time i haven't been starting school (even the semester i was in east asia i was in school and teaching school) since 1985...

our cabin dressed up in our uniforms...

some of the girls after the crud war...

me and chris...  

high five!!! 

mark wagner - worship leader for the week...  

anna's profile... i love this picture!!! 

dominic...  

the girls (and a couple of others) by the creepy statues...  

our girls on hawaiian night...  

the rob picture... robb, robyn and rob...  

the clark county leaders...  

all of the ridgefield campers on hawaiian night...  

me and brock at hawaiian dinner night...  

the clark county group...  

most of the ridgefield group...

kevin was worn out!!!

home again, home again, jiggety-jig...

i have many thoughts on camp... a lot of it was what i expected... including the good and the bad... i talked with cameron about it this morning, which helped me get some perspective about it...

i could probably write a great deal on my thoughts for the week... i don't really feel like writing any of the serious stuff... so here's the not-so serious/random stuff...

• i went down a 1/4 mile zip line and when i landed, evidently i landed wrong... my head went back, hit the water, flipped me over 3 times, knocking the hair rubber band (tightly wound in my hair) out of my hair...
• i went on the pamper pole... i climbed up a pole that was about 20 or 25 feet high... got to the platform at the top... with shaking legs, i stood and proceeded to jump off to try and grab a trapeeze bar about 5 or 6 feet out... maybe less... i am not a big fan of heights, so it was pretty brave of me to go through with it - and i even picked the hardest of the 3 poles...
• i ended up with about 10 bruises on my legs (one being about 2 inches in diameter and ugly purple and green) with no idea where any of them came from...
• after i informed my girls which guy i thought was "hot," one of them said, "robyn, you finally fit in!!!" (evidently jumping off of a high pole and almost cracking my head open on the zip line wasn't enough to win them over...)
• i got my first sunburn of the summer... not fun...
• i decided that singing songs like "pieces of me" by ashlee simpson and "welcome to my life" by simple plan and "something like that" by tim mcgraw in a group setting is kind of weird...
• the song "walkin' in memphis" evidently makes me a bit homesick...
• antelope, oregon was the closest town to the camp (about 15 or 20 miles away)... the population of antelope in the 2000 census was 60...
• shaniko, oregon is the next closest town (about 10 or 15 miles past antelope, maybe a bit more or less)... the population of shaniko in the 2000 census was 26...
• my cell phone didn't get a signal until within a 50 or 60 mile radius of the camp...
• the camp site used to be the home of bhagwan shree rajneesh and his followers (rajneeshees) who were responsible for a bioterrorist act (involving salmnonella) in the dalles, oregon in 1984... they also took over the town of antelope, changing the name to rajneeshpuram in 1984... rajneesh was indicted on federal immigration charges and the original residents and rajneeshees who were left changed the name back to antelope in 1985...
• young life bought the property in the late 90's (all the rajneeshees were gone in 1996) - a montana billionaire (dennis washington) donated $2 million dollars in order for young life to be able to purchase the land... (64,000 acres)
• the "worship" leader for the week's name was mark wagner... i bought his cd and it's pretty good... one of the nights he was wearing a college of charleston shirt - i had to ask about it since louis was doing campus ministry with college of charleston last year and i love charleston, having spent summers there... so i asked about it... he just loves charleston, too... he's from tennessee (knoxville)

that's all i have for now... all the pictures are on my computer at home... so maybe i'll post some pictures later today - late this afternoon or this evening... the office is very quiet... a lot of people went to a memorial service today for a man who was very connected with convention life today... i didn't really know him at all, so i chose not to go (on top of the fact that i didn't know about it until this morning)...

my thoughts are scattered... i don't know if this post will even make sense... it's been a 3-hour long process... so close to the end of the day... maybe i'll sneak away a little early today...

...on a jet plane...

not really, but i'm leaving for camp now, whether i got it all done or not... i'm sure i've forgotten something... but they'll just have to deal...

i think i'm going to be late...

gotta go!!!

stories and pictures to come!!!

pre-camp craziness...

things always get a little crazy before camp... i'm sure this year is no different... i'm sure of it... here's the stuff i have left to do:

pack
finish making shirts - (put the front logo on all, last name letters on 2)
pack the big plastic tub for camp - with all the stuff for campers
buy jean shorts
find red face paint
pay bills
pick up friends from the airport tomorrow night (it will take about an hour)
work all day tomorrow and get everything ready for while i'll be gone...
finish my life sketch for my journeyman application
write a story that i reported on last week
double check everything so that i know i'm not forgetting everything...
sleep

i'm hoping i can get it all done... i'm pretty sure i can... but it's going to take a bit of finesse... i can't decide whether to do anything else tonight or get it all done tomorrow night... i could print off the transfers for the shirts tonight... and start to pack a little bit (toiletries and stuff...) and pay bills to send off tomorrow... yes... if i can get two of the three done tonight, i'll feel like i've gotten a lot done... it's always like this pre-camp... i HATE it!!! this year, it's only for a few days, though... (wednesday evening through sunday morning...) craziness...

my heart is happy, or shut up!!!

this morning, this email passed through my inbox... it's in reference to an article i wrote in the last issue of the paper... i had to go to the bottom and read the original email... you should do that, too...

Hi Marty –

It’s good to hear from you. I hope things are going well. Please feel free to utilize the story and photos as needed, including sending it on to BP. Robyn enjoyed covering the story and was complementary of the PowerPlant team and the process to assist with church planting here. I also talked with a couple of the pastors afterward and they deemed the effort very helpful to their ministries. I’ve copied Robyn on this email so that she can assist you with any specifics related to the photos or other story details. I’m developing a couple of other church planting-related
stories that will include NAMB involvement. Keep up the good work, my friend.

Cameron

-----Original Message-----
From: King, Marty [mailto:mking@namb.net]
Sent: Monday, August 08, 2005 8:50 AM
To: Cameron Crabtree
Subject: PowerPlant article

Hi Cameron,
Long time no talk too -- and even longer time no see. :-) Hey, was just reading your July 28 issue and really appreciate the great story on PowerPlant by Robyn Scivally. Would you mind if we posted that on the NAMB website, with appropriate credit to the Northwest Baptist, of course? If so, I can download the copy from your website, but could you send me the photo? By the way, have you sent the story to BP? If not, I'd be glad to forward it and encourage its use, and might add an editor's note about other sites this year and next etc.
Thanks
Marty

it made my heart happy... i didn't cry, but almost... and then i said, "shut up!!!" really loud... the lady in the cubicle next to me said, "i didn't say anything..." i know it's not a super big deal... cameron has stuff printed on baptist press (bp) all the time... but i never have... and the story was so much more meaningful to me because that was when i knew God was getting a hold of me... and i started the jman application process...

anyway - so i just thought i would post it... it's my way of sticking the email up on my refrigerator...

astoria trip...

yesterday, alyssa, erin and i went to astoria to hang out... i had never been (neither had erin), so off we went to see the goonies house, the school from kindergarten cop and the town where much of short circuit, the ring and the ring two were filmed... along with a few other box office hits such as free willy and free willy 2 and teenage mutant ninja turtles 3...

this picture is of me and alyssa at the goonies house... they were having a yard sale, but we didn't get there until 6:15, so no one was out to sell anything... we wanted to buy something from the goonie house SO BAD!!! instead we bought a cold pop for $1 a piece... they were selling it outside... (pictures below...)

then we went to astoria tower - after climbing 164 stairs up this tower, you can see for miles... it's wonderful... it was crazy going down... evidently alyssa and erin have problems going down stairs...

then we ate at the world famous plaza jalisco (pronounced ha lease ko, we asked after trying to figure it out for way longer than we should have... but i was right)... and it's not really world famous... we couldn't figure out why there are so many mexican restaurants in astoria and we figured we spent so much time trying to figure out how to say the name of it, we owed it to them to eat there...

then we headed home... it was a fun little outing for the day... and i'll take the credit, because it was totally my idea... i had just never been to astoria and alyssa and erin were totally fun to go with, aside from the fact that erin hasn't seen goonies and it just didn't have the same effect for her...

oh - and on the way, there was this random horse on the side of the road... (pictures below...)

so yea for a fun random road trip!!!

random dumpster by the restaurant where we almost ate (but it was too expensive...) the mermaid's tattoo says i love astoria... and we're not sure why the man has legs...  

edge of astoria... 

whaddup astoria...